Thursday, 5 April 2018

supports and appreciation - RED INSTEAD 6

so, this prompt is about the supportive people in my life.

support doesn't always look like you'd expect. my parents support me, but it doesn't feel like it. my boss supports me, but it doesn't look like it.

my parents do almost everything for me, and I am ashamed of that. I'm ashamed that I live with them, and we've fallen into the pattern where mum does (almost) all of the cooking and laundry. I'm happy to do those things, provided I can make them work for my wonky brain. the problem is, any slight modification to mum's non-system will be rejected. I suggest a "Tuesday is laundry day" type system, because "undergarment emergency day is laundry day" doesn't work for family laundry (cos I'm not going to monitor dad's supply of clean pants. just no.) and she says that's "too complicated". it's literally less "complicated" than keeping track of everyone's pants, wtf?

my boss can't do everything for me. she's disabled and spends most of her time in bed. my job is to cook dinner for us, help her get ready to go to sleep, and stay at her house overnight in case of emergency (and miscellaneous other things). what she does do to support me is prompt me to start cooking so we eat dinner at a sensible time. I can do all the steps needed to produce reasonably tasty and nutritious meals, but left to my own devices I wouldn't manage to actually do that reliably.

if it was left up to me, I would regularly forget to eat until I felt dizzy, but I don't because (at my parent's) food is provided for me and (at work) I have someone asking "what's for dinner?". both are support for this particular executive functioning issue. I'm not fully independent in either situation, but at work I feel closer to it because at least I'm an active member of our team, doing the bits I can do.

so, maybe that's the difference between support that feels supportive and support that breeds resentment. I don't want servants, I need team mates.

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