today I'm scared.
I'm scared I'll fail my course, I'm scared of Brexit, and I'm scared about the conference I'm going to this weekend.
I know the conference fear is irrational. it'll be good, or, if not, it's in Edinburgh. I can fuck off and do antisocial Edinburgh tourist stuff.
Brexit is terrifying. it'd be easy to assume we'll stay and it'll be fine. I haven't met anyone who understands the difference between the European parliament and the European court of human rights, and also wants to leave. and therein lies the problem. a lot of people want out over petty shit that a. is nothing to do with the EU or b. is an EU policy we'd have to follow if we want to trade with them, in or out.
failing isn't an option. it isn't. the cost is too high. I can't face being without a plan again. I can't face my own brain after failing a level 2 course.
to pass, I need to meet 23 criteria across 7 units. I need to meet each criteria twice. that's 46 times my tutor has to say "yes". so far, I have 7 from 5 week's homework. I think I've done more. I honestly don't understand why the others were wrong. I should have at least 10.
our coursework consists of 11 weekly learning reviews, 2 learning summaries, an essay, and any peer assessments we choose to include. we're only supposed to attempt 1-2 criteria per page, with maximum word counts of 1000 (less than 2 pages) for each learning review & summary, and 2000 for the essay. 46 minus 7 gives me 39 criteria to hit. if I attempt the maximum of 4 in the remaining learning reviews & both learning summaries, that's 32. I have space to attempt another 8 in the essay. that's a margin for error of 1.
...and that's assuming I can make myself write the fucking learning summary. to do that, I have to write down really personal stuff about my motivations to be a counsellor. I then have to hand it in to my tutor who I don't trust, so she can read it and, as far as I make out, flip a coin to decide if it meets criteria. I've tried asking where I've gone wrong, and I get a pissed off "go read the criteria". um, I did. she's said she won't answer emails between classes, so we shouldn't email her for any reason other than to notify her of absences. if I can't contact her between classes, and she can't be bothered in class, I don't know what to do to make sure I get it "right" (whatever "right" means)
I'm probably going to fail, right?