if I ever describe my relationship outside of queer circles, I'm told it sounds "complicated". like somehow monogamy is simple and obvious. like my girlfriend doesn't have a hand for each of us to hold. like monogamous couples never have to schedule dates around work or doctors appointments or seeing friends. like my metamor is somehow more work than a pet, a child, a long term illness, moving house...
no, poly isn't the complicated part. learning and unlearning what it means to be human is complicated. what do I mean by that word, and what do you hear when I say it? how do we know, and how do we bridge the gap when we find it? does her non-verbal look like ours?
sex. sex. sex. you think who's fucking who is complicated? nah, you've forgotten the how. what do you mean by "sex drive"? it's entirely situational. wait, yours isn't? oh, no, I'm asexual, not sex repulsed. they don't always go together. does this feel good? ah, you're loosing words. you still OK? squeeze my hand. great. ooh, can we try that? mmmn, yes! harder!
our relationship could be summed up by the words "what time is it? fuck! how?". divergent brains so wrapped up in love that we stop time. the world turns around us, but we stay still. hours dissolve into sparkling moments. it feels like bed time.
why is it a numbers game for you? really, the number of people involved is such a small part of why we need to work at our relationship. we might not even think about it if you didn't keep telling us it was "complicated".